


IT ENDS AND STARTS AGAIN

by anjellie_ka



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:37:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2041149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anjellie_ka/pseuds/anjellie_ka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Live.</p><p>Love.</p><p>Die.</p><p>and Love again.</p><p>Not all tragic love stories end tragic.</p><p>There's fate. You just have to believe in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	IT ENDS AND STARTS AGAIN

The person beside me sees life differently --he sees the world in a way no one else does. He said, the world is a beautful place were people meet each other, spend time with each other and live happily with each other. I felt lowly of myslelf for I see the world as nothing but a shit filled mass filled with shitty people. The former me was a total different person, I couldn't even recognize myself now. I was cruel, until he came and changed me. 

“What can you see?” I ask.

He smiles sweetly before spreading his arms and inhaling the sweet scent of autumn.

“Everything is orange and yellow and red. The leaves are dancing with the wind while the birds are chirping on the tree top.”

My hand in its own accord reaches for his face and rubs his cheek.

“It’s cold. Aren’t you tired yet? Let’s go in.” 

He smiles and rests his head on my shoulder. “I can’t see you but I know you’re frowning. You’re handsome when you’re not.”

He raises his hands in search for my face. I grab both of them and lead them to my face. He cups my cheeks, thin fingers sofly grazing my skin. I lean towards the touch. His hands are cold and awfully white against my slightly tanned skin. His small eyes turn into tiny slits as he smiles, his lips are chapped and pale but they still look as delectable as before. I smile as I watch his face, so beautiful.

“Woohyun-ah….when I’m gone I want you to continue your life. Remember me as someone who came and passed your life. I don’t want you holding on to me. Being the stubborn kid that you are, I know you won’t let go. Find someone who is healthier than me, someone who will protect you and not someone who you will protect. I have kept you by my side long enough. You must be tired taking---”

“I am not….” I cut him off. I felt the need to. He always considers himself as a burden. How can he say that when being with him are the happiest days of my life?! Tears roll out from my eyes. My heart pains awfully thinking that we have very short time. How can life be so unfair? How can someone as beautiful as Sunggyu with a heart made of gold be blind and have brain cancer at the same time? Through an accident he got blind and through that accident we found out that he has cancer.

He knew it was cancer even before. He said he had a feeling it was since his father died from it. That was why he was very reluctant to go to the hospital.

My world crashed when I heard about it, the only person that I love was dying.

For a year we tried to battle his sickness. He had several chemotherapies and all sort of treatments possible. We were hopeful but after a year and a half of battle the doctors said they couldn’t do anything anymore. The cancer cells fastly metastasized to the other parts of his body. I was devasted and was close to depression. I cried and cried. Fuck. I was in rage, I cursed the world. I cursed everyone. I cursed life for being unfair. It was so unfair. It was cruel! But Sunggyu, he was very strong, he remained strong, maybe for me. I never saw him cry nor break. Not even once. He remained strong, patting my back and hugging me tightly. 

A few more tears roll out from my eyes. My chest feels so heavy imagining him not smiling to me anymore, not holding my hands and not kissing me anymore. How can I possibly survive? This world is meaningless without him.

His soft fingers brush the tears away. I look up to him through bleary vision. A small smile tugs the corner of his lips.

“Hush now, you’re making me cry too. Sorry for giving you too much pain and trouble” he smiles bitterly.

I pull his hands away from my face and reach out to cup his cheeks. My lips landed on his. Two lips that mold perfectly, perfectly for each other. That’s how it feels whenever I kiss Sunggyu, so gentle and sweet yet so addicting. The taste of Sunggyu, this is the taste that I will never forget. The sweetness of his strawberry toothpaste mixed with the bitterness of his favorite coffee. I told him before not to drink coffee anymore but he was just too stubborn. My heart clenches in pain again and I kiss him with more passion knowing I might not be able to kiss him like this again.

Our lips separate for much needed air. I rest my forehead on his and cup both his cheeks caressing them with the pad of my thumbs.

“I love you.” I said. It constricts my heart but I want to tell him how much I love him as often as I can.

“I love you even more.” is his response and it causes my heart unbelievable pain. How can hearing someone you love tell you ‘I love you’ be this painful?

He places his right hand on my chest. “I’m sorry for making this ache.” his voice is soft and sweet but hoarsness is still evident. A new batch of tears roll out from my eyes as I hug him. I hug him as tight as I can, while he sobs on my chest.

How can life be so unfair?

\-----------------------------------

I seat on the bed beside him making it bounce in the process. I take the medicine tray from the nurse and places it on the bedside table. Sunggyu never liked hospitals. The doctor told him that it will be better if he’d stay in the hospital so they could take care of him more but he refused. He said, if he was going to die. He wanted to die in our house. The place that gave him too much happiness so I didn’t argue.

I requested a nurse from the hospital I told them I want an old lady nurse. They were surprised, at first they referred a tall and handsome young man. They said that that guy named Kim Myungsoo was their best nurse. He was strong and he could carry Sunggyu with no sweat. But I rejected it without second thoughts. He was too handsome for my liking and I don’t want someone as handsome as him near my Sunggyu. I’m a jealous bitch I know. But I want Sunggyu only for myself.

I have all the medical equipments needed in the house, so in case of emergency we're prepared. I work in the morning, taking care of the company until 2 in the afternoon since Sunggyu is a heavy sleeper. He sleeps the entire morning and wakes up at noon. Dongwoo my business partner and bestfriend takes care of the company from two pm onwards. He also visits me and Sunggyu at home after work.

“You didn’t eat much again.” I said taking his hand and playing with it.

“Cant taste anything. Maybe because of too many medicines I’m taking. Can't I just not take those? Those are making my stomach upset.” He pouts.

“Nope. Want me to cook for you instead??” I wrap my arms around his waist and rests my chin on his shoulder staring at his beautiful side profile.

“No, just stay here beside me.” He turns his face towards me leaving my face and his just a few centimeters apart. A playful smile spreads across my face. I peck his lips.

“Woohyun-ah… nurse Shin is still in the room. It’s embarrassing.” He covers his face.

I wink at the old lady who just chuckles.

“Don’t worry Sunggyu-sshi you look really cute together. Anyway I’ll leave you two.”

“Thanks nurse Shin.” says I waving at the old lady before turning my attention back to my little hamster. “So, can I get another kiss?”

He smiles at me before taking my face in his hands kissing me deeply.

“Missed me that much?” I tease him when our lips separate. He nods cutely.

“I woke up early today. Waiting for you to come home is excruciatingly boring. Time is so slow.” He pouts.

“Aigoo.. I can take a day off tomorrow if you want me to. I can just ask Dongwoo to take over for me.” I don’t feel like working tomorrow too and the thoughts of cuddling with Sunggyu the entire day is very, very tempting.

“No, you can’t bother Dongwoo too much.”

“No, I have decided I won’t go to work tomorrow. I want to cuddle with you the entire day.” And with that I pull him down on the bed straddling his waist and hovering on top of him. I lean down to kiss him but his hands on my chest stop me.

“Why?” I ask.

“Medicine. I need to take my medicine first. We might forget it if we continue like this.” He smiles shyly. I roll off of him to his side and snuggles close to his neck. I mumble.

“Arasseo.”

\----------------------------------

Weeks and months flew by fast, the end is coming fast too. Sunggyu became weaker and weaker as days went by. I told him we need to go to the hospital but he was just too stubborn. He said he wouldn't go because it was pointless and that he would die eventually. He wanted to die in the place that gave him good memories, he added.

He even refused treatments saying those just weaken his body more. Watching him suffer every night when I couldn't do anything but just hug him tight was mental torture. I cried as he screamed in pain as he gasped for breath as his body trembled. 

The only thing I could do was cry with him, while whispering how much I love him.

But tonight seems like the worst night. His face is so pale and he’s trembling too much. He’s crying in pain and all I can do is just stare at him as the nurse infuses a new batch of medicine through his IV.

The doctor walks towards me and whispers.

“We need to take him to the hospital immediately.”

“If we take him to the hospital will he survive? Will he live another month or another day?” I croak.

The doctor shook his head. “He won’t.”

“Then I won’t take him there. I promised I won’t take him there no matter what. He wants… he wants to die here.” Tears roll down my cheeks. Saying the word die pains my heart to unbelievable extent. Dying, such a harsh word.

The doctor pats my back. “Be strong for him. We’ll leave the two of you here.”

The doctor calls nurse Shin who has tears in her eyes too. She hugs me telling me she’ll be outside if I need anything. Right after they close the door I walk to our bed where Sunggyu is lying. They gave him pain medication but still his face contorts in pain. The pain medications aren’t working anymore, it just alleviates the pain but after a few hours the pain will go back.

The bed bounces and he turns to me.

“Woohyun-ah.. I don’t have much time.” I hold in the tears and stiffen the sobs afraid that I might weaken him. I pull him close to me making his head rest on my chest my arms around his waist.

“Don’t talk like that.” 

“I’m happy I met you. You’re the most beautiful gift God has given me. Don’t forget about me..hmn? You have to remember someone like Kim Sunggyu passed your life. Too bad he can’t stay long. I’m sorry for leaving you.” He says in gasps. He’s having a hard time talking but that wont make him stop. He doesn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.

Good bye.

I hate that word. I hug him tighter soothing his back.

“Don’t talk too much, reserve your energy. I won’t go to work tomorrow so you have me the whole day.”

He chuckles weakly. “I’d love that….but Woohyun-ah. Promise me, promise me you won’t do anything stupid..hmn? I’m afraid you’d do something wrong when I leave you. You’re a great man. Dongwoo needs you in the company. Promise me.. you won’t follow me.”

My heart constricts in pain making my limbs weak. My chest heaves as I let go of the tears that were brimming my eyes awhile ago. How can I not follow you? This world is meaningless without you. My life is meaningless without you. Even in your last breath you keep on worrying about me.

Just for once, think about yourself. Think about living…….live for me!

“Woohyun-ah….promise me you’ll continue living. For me, live for me. I won’t be there to pick your clothes for you in the morning, I won’t be there to annoy you and remind you that smoking is bad for your health. I won’t be there to hug you at night whenever you have nightmares. In a few years.. someone...someone else will do that for you….”

“Stop that…I don’t want one anyone other than you. Please don’t ask me to love again. Coz my heart will only love you. Only you.” I cried pulling him closer and burying my face in the hollow of his neck.

“Woohyun-ah…do you believe in fate?”

“I don’t. I only believe in you.”

“Someday, somewhere….we will meet again. I believe in fate. I met you because of fate afterall.”

I tighten my arms around him. “I love you, Kim Sunggyu.”

He smiles and nuzzles on my cheeks. “I love you too..Nam Woohyun. I just need to… take … a…..rest.”

Everything suddenly turns black. I feel numb. I feel worthless. My body is shaking and I can't even find my voice. I cry, loud…hugging him tight. He’s fading in my arms and I cant do anything but shed stupid tears that won't save him at all.

“Woohyun-ah…promise me…..you…won’t…you won’t follow me..”

I didn’t answer. Coz right now all I am thinking of is drinking the strongest poison in the world and following him.

“Woohyun-ah…promise me.”

I closed my eyes and bit my lips hardly.

“Promise.” I said.

\---------------------------------

A year has passed and the memory of Sunggyu dying in my arms still lingers. What can be more traumatic than having the person you love the most die in your arms? Ever since Sunggyu died I buried myself with work. Working is the only thing that's distracting me from thinking of Sunggyu.

A few times suicide entered my mind, but remembering my promise to Sunggyu stopped me from doing so. I gaze up at the clear sky. This is the world that Sunggyu loved so much.

“Gyu are you watching me from up there? You said… someday… somewhere… we will meet again. I am still waiting for that time. This world is cruel and I know you’re having fun there in heaven. But visit me sometimes…I miss you terribly.” warm tears brim my eyes.

“Yah…Kim Sunggyu. Don’t you miss me?” I scream, stupidly hoping he can hear me.

“I think you need this.”

Someone says and I freeze. Are my ears playing a trick on me? That voice can't possibly be.....

With trembling hands and body I turn to look at the person who owns the voice.

“Hi… I saw you from afar and it seems like you need this.” The person smiles at me causing his eyes to turn into tiny slits.

His light brown hair and pale white skin glows beautifully under the warm sun. Those beautiful sparkling brown orbs, tiny nose and small lips looked exactly like the ones in my dream. The ones I was kissing.................... the ones that belonged to the person I loved the most.

I stare at the person with wide eyes as tears finally flows from my eyes. I can't stop it, I know crying in front of a stranger is crazy but this stranger isn't a stranger.

I take a step towards him, his smile fades when he sees the tears bashfully flowing on my cheeks.

Is this it? Is this the fate that you were talking about Gyu? You said we will meet again somewhere somehow… is this the time?

I stand a good few inches away from the man who looks exactly like Sunggyu.

“I know you’re not him and this is crazy. But you look exactly like the person I love….” I say. His smile turns into a frown. He must be thinking I'm crazy.

“Really,..” is all that he said then the smile comes back on his face his cheeks glowing with a pretty shade of pink.

Cute.

I wipe the tears and reaches for his face. Everything is surreal; I can even touch him, he’s not an illusion. Someone who looks exactly like Sunggyu, smiles like Sunggyu and even smells like Sunggyu is standing in front of me. My fingers grazes the soft skin of his cheek lovingly and lightly, afraid that he might disappear in thick smoke like what always happens in my dream.

“Aren’t I creeping you out?

“That person that you love… is very lucky…you’re letting your tears be seen by some stranger like me.”

“You don’t feel like a stranger at all.” 

He smiles and reaches for my face too. “It’s weird.. I feel like I know you too.”

I gather all my courage and asks, “Can I hug you?” I will accept if I will receive a slap on the face because of this. I just can’t help it. I need to know, I need to feel. He didn’t answer, I close my eyes preparing myself for a slap when.

“Yes, you can.” He says.

My lids open in surprise. Without second thought I wrap my arms around his shoulder pulling him close. Our chest collides, hearts pounding hard inside each others rib cage. I hope he can feel how erratic my heart is inside my chest.

This warm feeling. This is the exact same feeling…. His body fits perfectly in my embrace. Kim Sunggyu you really did comeback.

I bury my face on his shoulder as new batch of tears roll out from my eyes. He taps my back. I pull away not wanting to scare him too much. I wipe the tears with the back of my hands.

“By the way are you sick or do you have some kind of illness?” I know this is crazy but I have to make sure. Another death and I will go insane.

“As far as I can remember I’m perfectly healthy.” He answers with scrunched eyebrows. He must be thinking I’m a creep.

“Good. "Nam Woohyun" I stretch my right hand in front of him. Which he gladly takes smiling, his eyes turning into tiny crescents almost disappearing. "Do you have time? Let's have coffee.. I know a good place."

\------------------------------

END.

A/N:

My first ever Woogyu fic since I am crazy over them.

My first time making a dramatic one too. I hope you liked it.

Comments are appreciated.

Thank you.

@anjellie_ka


End file.
